The Mortal Instrements

Saturday, October 22, 2011

You've Got Mail's Kathleen Kelly Introduced Me To Jane Austen

The first time I heard of Jane Austen was when I was about 13, I was watching a movie, which would become later one of my favorites along the years, "You've Got Mail". Meg Ryan kept mentioning this book "Pride and Prejudice" and kept on talking about a girl named "Elizabeth Bennet". So curiosity drove me to search for the book, I got it, and read it, and fell in love. Later on, I discovered a big world of Austen lovers and movies historic and contemporary made to celebrate Austen, I then became obsessed. I read and reread the books and watched the movies religiously over and over again. And today my obsession got a crown, I decided to blog and dish about one of my favorite authors of all time.

Joe: Kathleen Kelly. Hello. This is a coincidence. Would you mind if I sat down?

Kathleen: Yes, yes, I would, actually. I'm expecting someone. Thanks.

Joe: Pride and Prejudice.

Kathleen: Do you mind?

Joe: I bet you read that book every year. I bet you just love that Mr. Darcy. And your sentimental heart just beats wildly at the thought he and well, you know, whatever her name is, are truly, honestly going to end up together.

Waiter: Can I get you something?

Kathleen: No, no, he's not staying.

Joe: Mochaccino decaf, nonfat.

Kathleen: No, no, you are not staying!

Joe: I'll just stay until your friend gets here. Is he late?

Kathleen: The heroine of Pride and Prejudice is Elizabeth Bennet. She is one of the great and complex characters. Not that you would know.

Joe: As a matter of fact, I've read it.

Kathleen: Oh, well, good for you.

Joe: I think you’d discover a lot of things if you really knew me.

Kathleen: If I really knew you, I know what I'd find. Instead of a brain, a cash register. Instead of a heart, a bottom line.

Joe: What?

Kathleen: I just had a breakthrough.

Joe: What is it?

Kathleen: I have you to thank for it. For the first time in my life, when confronted with a horrible, insensitive person I knew exactly what I wanted to say, and I said it.

Joe: I think you have a gift for it. That's a perfect blend of poetry and meanness.

Kathleen: Meanness. Let me tell you something about meanness.

Joe: Don't misunderstand me. I'm just trying to pay you a compliment.

Kathleen: Oh, oh, why are you touching that? What are you doing?

Joe: Is this a red rose? No, it's a crimson rose. Something you read about in a book. Isn’t it?

Kathleen: It's funny to you, isn't it? Everything is a joke to you. Please leave. Please, please leave, I beg you. Thank you.

Joe: You what that hanky reminds me of? First day I met you.

Kathleen: First day you lied to me.

Joe: I didn't lie to you.

Kathleen: You did too.

Joe: No, I didn't.

Kathleen: Yes, you did.

Joe: I did not. I did not.

Kathleen: You did too. You did too. I thought all that Fox stuff was so charming. F-O-X.

Joe: Well, I didn't lie about it.

Kathleen: “Joe. Just call me Joe."

Joe: Sure.

Kathleen: As if you were one of the stupid 22-year-old girls with no last name. "Hi, I'm Kimberly." "Hi, I'm Janice." Don’t they know you’re supposed to have a last name. It's like they're an entire generation of cocktail waitresses.

Joe: Look. I am not a 22-year-old cocktail waitress.

Kathleen: That's not what I meant.

Joe: What I said the thing about the Price Club, the cans of olive oil that's not what I meant.

Kathleen: Oh, you poor, sad multimillionaire. I feel so sorry for you.

Joe: I'll take a wild guess that's not him, either. So who is he, I wonder? Certainly not, I gather, the world's greatest living expert on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg. But somebody else entirely different. Will you be mean to him too?

Kathleen: No, I will not. Because the man who is coming here tonight is completely unlike you. The man who is coming here tonight is kind and funny. He's got a wonderful sense of humor.

Joe: But he's not here.

Kathleen: Well, if he's not here, he has a reason because there is not a cruel or careless bone in his body. But I wouldn't expect you to understand anybody like that. You, with your theme park, multilevel, homogenize-the-world mochaccino land. You’ve deluded yourself into thinking you're some sort of benefactor bringing books to the masses. But no one will ever remember you, Joe Fox. And maybe no one will remember me, either. But plenty of people remember my mother. And they think she was fine. And they think her store was something special. You are nothing but a suit.

So, a part of this blog is dedicated to everything and anything about Jane Austen's world, from books to movies, both contemporary and historic.Because I just love Anything Jane Austen.

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